Have you been following the news about the government’s chief drug advisor Professor Nutts? I’ll just give you a quick run down to get you up to speed:

Nutts was stiffing for his government bread-wren giving dem the view from the street on drugs, but when he served it up theyz all, this shit is whack. Nutt was like, that is diss, these kids are asking for a beatdown. So Nutt starts frontin saying the government are swag, but Johnson, the Secretary of the House, shanked Nutt up – oh my days – saying Nuttz shouldn’t be frontin and should stay in the laboratory with his drugs an get mashed up and leave the politics to the proper gangsta mother fuckers. Now Nuttz has no job (like my baby father) and cos he’s all into drugs and shit he’s properly well fucked up.

I find it rather absurd that they hired this guy to provide them with an opinion then fired him for expressing his opinion, but I suppose that’s the rule of the street and that’s not really what I’m interested in. What I like in a news story about cannabis is the library footage that the BBC news uses. Is it just me, or do they have rather a lot of it. Man skinning up a fat one, man sparking up a joint, man taking a long drag on big spliff, arty shot of wispy smoke. The BBC’s footage of cannabis use isn’t like other crime footage – grainy CCTV of hoodies being anti social (rejecting party invites) or hooligans throwing plastic chairs – it’s much clearer, like they’ve arranged to have someone take cannabis for the purpose of filming them, which surely makes them complicit.

I’d like to know how they go about arranging these shoots, do they have a go-to man that they ring up and meet at the Esso garage, but instead of buying drugs, they pay him to get stoned while they film him. Does he get royalties? Is there some ex-dealer out there who gets a cheque in the post every time there is a story in the papers about cannabis? I hope there is, and I hope he spends the money on drugs every time. It would be particularly ironic if he was trying to go clean but he can’t because he keeps getting paid to get stoned again and again. If only the controversy about cannabis would end, it’s destroying lives.

Of course it could just be that there are a couple of technicians in the BBC film library with blood shot eyes eating take away pizza and giggling hysterically while they watch themselves get high on the six O’clock news.