I’m particularly enjoying the manoeuvrings of the Roman Catholic Church this week. If you haven’t heard, The Pope, Benedict XVI, a man that looks like Baron Von Greenback in a white toupee, has issued a papal decree that opens the way for Anglicans to jump ship and join his gang of papists (Link Guardian). The manoeuvre will reportedly gain the Pope an additional half a million souls which will make Jesus very happy/sad depending on who you believe is right and the quality of the souls in question.
The reason that all these believers want to change their beliefs is that Rowan Williams has been recklessly ordaining women and gays. I like to imagine this as the Pope and The Arch Bishop, let’s call him Archy, playing a game of chess. Archy brings his Gay Bishop into play, threatening to reveal the Pope’s Queens, but Archy has left himself exposed and in the next move Benedict is able to capture half a million of Archy’s pawns. Half a million intolerant, misogynistic, Daily Express reading, pawns, but half a million pawns none the less. Archy sits impassively contemplating the Pope’s coup, his only show of emotion is to slightly raise one of his enormous, ornate, owl feather, eyebrows.
It might seem like a great move by the Pope, but if you put it in a historical context its small potatoes. This is a game that was started nearly five hundred years ago by the famously tyrannical, misogynist, Henry VIII in an opportunistic move that not only allowed him to bonk yet another unfortunate woman, but also allowed him to pinch all of the Papist land and money within his kingdom. A move that quadrupled the value of the land that the king controlled, as well as netting him a million quid in gold and silver (you can times that by about 300 to get close to a modern value). That is a pretty sweet opening gambit. Rome replied with Mary I, her special move was to set fire to Protestants, but she dropped the ball when she failed to conceive (could this be the source of the Catholic aversion to contraception?). Rome’s next plan involved a full scale naval invasion, but that particular armada sunk and so the story continued.
This latest twist means we can add sodomy and misogyny to the list of players in this five hundred year long saga; they’ll take their place alongside adultery, beheadings, burning at the stake, war, sectarianism, money, politics and power. What a heart warming story of compassion. Jesus must be so very proud.
