I had a little road rage incident this morning. I was riding with my girlfriend, on bicycles, two abreast, when some middle aged accountant in a BMW zoomed round us horn blaring. I called him a cock and made the wanker sign. Ten meters further up the road at the red traffic lights. The lights that Mr important had wanted to reach so urgently that he had used all 150 of his horse power over ten meters to reach. Mr Important and I had a brief and frank exchange of opinions.
Mr Important felt that cyclists were required to use the road in single file; I on the other hand was firmly of the opinion that the Highway Code allowed cyclists to travel two abreast. The argument descended into farce. Mr Important claimed ‘two’ was only permitted in cycle lanes. No it’s not I replied. He then asked what I would do if an emergency vehicle was coming. Move over, I replied. Easy, if you’re going to test someone on their highway code, angrily, at high volume, at a busy intersection, personally I’d choose a more difficult question. How about should you shout abuse at cyclists at intersections?
It was a pointless argument. I’m going to claim victory on the grounds that Mr Important wound his window up and down during the argument, making himself look like a pussy. Also he started it by honking his horn and having the face of a prick. The Highway Code is not definitive on the correct answer. You can ride side by side as long as you aren’t on a bend and the road isn’t busy or narrow. (He was way off with his bike lane comment). It was a fairly large road, wide enough for Mr Important to pass us, was it busy? Not particularly, but it was in London, so no road is empty. As cyclists we could have been more considerate, but we were turning right and approaching a red light SO CHILL OUT YOU BMW KNOB TWAT.
IVF sounds like a good idea until you find yourself aged fifty with two abreast.
I still lost however because I ended up really stressed and looking like a tit. The lights changed during our tête-à-tête and the van in front of us didn’t move. Probably too amused by the scene we were causing to miss any by pulling away. I can still feel the stress in me now and it’s nearly two hours later. I was coming back from an early morning swim in the Lido. I was feeling really good, maybe a little too smug, but chilled, happy. It was a glorious day – it still is to most people – sun’s shining, girl by my side. Lesson learned – let it go, life’s too short.
