Hello all. On a recent trip to the Alps to enjoy their excellent skiing I and several of my friends, after sampling the Vin Rouge, invented a game called Play Your Porno Cards Right. The game is based on, and named after, the Bruce Forsyth game show Play Your Cards Right, so the first thing you’ll need to play is someone who can attempt an impression of the great man. (Don’t forget the three elements, the walk, the talk and the chin).
To play the game you need:
at least five empty wine bottles, preferably previously consumed by the contestants, and a pack of playing cards displaying images of a pornographic nature. (Porno playing cards).
Empty the wine bottles, but retain the corks. Replace the corks in the mouths of the bottles leaving half the cork protruding. Make a slit in the protruding cork. Into each slit the dealer should insert a playing card in the upright position with the picture facing away from the contestants. The dealer should then turn the first bottle so that the card faces the audience and announce the value of the card using his or her best impression of Bruce Forsyth.
The value of the card is calculated using this formula:
Spunk shot 1 point for each cock.
Oral sex 2 points
Straight sex 3 points
Anal sex 4 points
N.B. if more than one of the above sex acts occurs on the card then the cards value is an accumulation of the points awarded for each act.
The audience member must then declare if they think the next card will be of a higher or lower value. If the player guesses correctly or a draw occurs they then the player is premitted to geuss higher or lower again and the next bottle is turned round, if they guess incorrectly they're out. The winner is the first player to turn round all five bottles!
To be honest the game has limited playability, luckily while the novelty wore off we noticed that a girl on one of the cards seems to be trying to do an impression of Sinead O'connor and her famous tear from the Nothing Compares 2 U video though she clearly couldn't cry on cue as they appeared to have used shampoo for the tear, ouch I bet that stings!
