My latest game is commenting on MP Tom Watson's blog. Well I've commented twice. My first comment in response to his request for information: "I’m trying to find out how civil servants felt when they started working for the government." So I replied:

The minister paid just like all the others, he had to, because he knew I’d go to the papers if he didn’t. I walked out of that flat with 80 pounds in my hand, more money than I’d ever held, and a sense of shame that can never come off no matter how hard I scrub.

Tom's latest post is basically this picture:

The text:

This little character was hanging around our compost heap today. I’m assuming toad. Any idea what type it might be though?

Well my comment, a little snarky maybe, along these lines: that it is a frog of the type frog, and if it had been a toad it would of most likely have been of the type toad, (or for the pedantic common frog, or common toad). That would have been were it ended, but Tom deleted my comment!

I've never assassinated another blog before, but this guy is an MP. He presented the Organ Donation Bill, he steered the final stages of the Armed Forces Act through the Commons. He has sat on the Standing Committees of the Proceeds of Crime Bill, the Communications Bill, The Human Tissue Bill, the Civil Partnerships Bill and the Gambling Bill and he doesn't know a Frog when he sees one.

I'm not sure what kind of answers he was expecting, your average garden compost heap isn't usually marked out as an unparalleled reservoir of amphibian biodiversity, lucky he had a blog to spread the news of his remarkable discovery. I just hope they look after him properly in Whitehall, hold his hand when he's in the park and answer all his questions about all the wonderous new things he encounters. I can imagine the next PMQs "Can I enquire of my right honourable friend if the government is aware of these bushy tailed tree scramblers? I have recently had a close encounter with one in my own garden, I don't know where they come from, but I speak for my constituents when I say I'm concerned about the amount of peanuts they can eat".

Well Tom I hope you now realise you are indeed a dullard and your post is at best unremarkable, here is a little guide to identifying British amphibians for any future crisis of taxonomy you encounter during your work for the government.