Economic slowdown occurs when the graph that tracks share prices stops looking like it is measuring earthquakes and start looking like a brave new design for a water slide. When this occurs conversations in pubs become boring and everyone claims, posthumously, to have predicted the current state of affairs, though when questioned they are unable to define what it is that has occurred.

When faced with this question the correct definition of a recession is a repeat of the previous evenings heavy drinking. This affects the nation’s GDP by inflicting serious and widespread hangovers, which can last for several years. It also affects consumer spending because all the shop assistants are drunk thus causing a marked increase in the number of people felt up in shop changing rooms. House prices also show a downward trend, as during a recession people are more likely to pass out on each other’s sofas, the net effect of this is that fewer houses are required.

There are a number of mechanisms that the individual can employ to reduce the effect of a re-session. One of these is to diversify your risk. To do this you should have sex with people from different socio economic and ethnic backgrounds without using any kind of protection against sexually transmitted diseases.

On the government scale there are a number of options to alleviate these effects. They can increase national spending, but in the conditions of global recession the price of nations can increase significantly as governments clamour to buy them. The one advantage is that some go bankrupt and can then be picked up at a reduced price. In the great depression of the 1930s Hitler’s Germany greatly increased their GDP by buying France at a reduced price, France had spent all it’s money buying cheese to feed to it’s surrender monkeys.

The other most popular option for governments is to reduce interest rates; it does this by having civil servants talk in pubs about interest rates. The resulting lack of interest from everyone involved in the conversation spreads rapidly and greatly reduces the rate of interest throughout the economy. In extreme circumstances interest can be further reduced by showing re runs of Big Brother.

And that is all you need to know about an Economic Slowdown.