Today as tensions heightened between the PKK and the Turkish government in the Middle East and with the world's stock markets taking further loses Emsbabee and I took the time to reflect over txt msg and discuss our views on some of the pressing issues of the day. What I found from the responses I received was a genuine clarity that is too often lacking in an increasingly distorted world.

Mjohnson: Whose baby would you rather have – father absentia – D Bowers or P. Danan?

Emsbabee: Bowers – the royalties from his music would keep the kid in rusks for at least a year.

Would you rather father a sprog by Jordan or Jodie Marsh? Both will want to make a documentary.

Mjohnson: Jordan wouldn’t want to leave Peter A. so I’d only get to see baby in OK magazine. Marsh’s doco would be car crash and would probably include the conception, so I’ll take Jordan please.

Open the Olympics in bra and Knickers, or school nativity play naked?

Emsbabee: Be Jesus! Naked nativity I guess. The angry parents wouldn’t let me stay on the stage for long.

Professional impersonator of Davina Mcall or Victoria Beckham?

Mjohnson: No problem V.B. please I’d be able to use my giant plastic tits from my Lara Croft outfit.

Emsbabee: Do you know all the Spice Girls’s dance routines? You’re gonna have to understudy on the reunion tour.

Mjohnson: Posh used to just stand there looking hungry, but since all Davina ever did was hug people and I know I can do her fitness DVDs I think I’ll reconsider.

Would you rather be Marie Currie’s Minge or Gandhi’s aresehole?

Emsbabee: I think the minge lesser of two evils.

Mjohnson: How can any part of Gandhi be evil?

Emsbabee: Nobody’s perfect.

Fondled by Grotbags, or sucked off by Gordon the Gopher?

Mjohnson: Sucked by GG is the same as getting a hand job from Philip Scofield, Grotbags plz.

Emsbabee: I’d love a handjob from Philip Scofield but it’s your choice.

Mjohnson: The cloth might chafe, I stand by my choice.

Emsbabee: A threesome with the chuckle brothers or Bodger and Badger?

Mjohnson: Being spit roasted by the C brothers! I can’t think of anything worse - to me – to you! Give me messy potato sex any day. Bodger and Badger please.

Gang bang with the cast of rainbow, or world’s biggest puppet orgy with all the Muppets?

Emsbabee: Hmm, the Muppets provided I can yell ‘FROG’ in the style of Miss Piggy at the climax.

Porn shoots with Honey Monster or Big Bird?

Mjohnson: I’d love to give H Monster a facial. He can put that pic on his cereal box.

Having put the worlds to rights and successfully wasting an otherwise productive day we blocked each others numbers in our phones and attempted to defame each other on Facebook. The End.