Cat shit is amazing! Cat shit is miracle shit. The cat digestive system is capable of transforming the foulest thing on the planet, the mixture of ash and putrid offal that is cat food, into something which is, by comparison, not that bad.

Like every gardener I’ve accidentally dug up a bit of cat shit, maybe with my bare hands, and I will come as no surprise that this is not pleasant - but I can only imagine the horror I would feel if when running my fingers through a crumbly loam I were to uncover, with my bare hands, a glob of whiskers ‘supermeat’. I’m not saying cat shit is nice, far from it, but cat food . . . Offal is too good a word for it; it is the last spongy remnants of death itself mixed with beef-crisp flavouring in jelly, or gravy.

Imagine what your shit would look like if your diet consisted entirely of cat food. Imagine what Gillian McKeith would say about the slop you would produce after just one week of eating cat food, and then imagine eating that all your life and try telling me that the feline digestive system is not a marvel of the animal kingdom. I can think of no other animal whose shit is more edible than their food and that is why cat shit is so special.