A few months back I joined an internet dating site, it cost me twenty quid, but I was assured that it was a quality site and I would be guaranteed at least a date, fun times and maybe more! I sent the following email to a girl called Rachael (her friends call her piss take Rach); it’s been over a month and still nothing (?)

to: Rachel

date: 21st March

subject: Hi Piss-take Rach

Hi Rach

I read in your profile that you like spontaneous guys. Yesterday I punched a tramp in the face for no reason.

Lets email!