This is a good article on the English and their footy from the Financial Times.

When England get knocked out of this World Cup, an ancient ritual will unfold, writes Simon Kuper. Perfected over England’s previous 13 failures to win the World Cup away from home, it follows an all too familiar pattern:

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This Chap has put together a collection of photos of football players in compromising positions. I love the Ukrainian one, why does he have to bite him?

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I got this on a fwd. It's a wall chart, I think it's French, it automatically updates all the scores, but the best thing about it is if you click on a game it brings up details of when all the events happened, red cards, yellow cards, goals. Next to the goals is little spinning footballs if you click on those it shows you the T.V. footage of the goal. There have been over 70 goals so far and you can see them all HERE.

Check out Joe Coles Wonder Goal from last nights Sweden game.

Insurance companies are in the market of assessing risk, this makes them a good place to find the likelihood of certain events like terrorist attacks.

So what do you think their opinion is on the likelihood of a terrorist attack on say the Isle of Wight, or Southend on Sea. The cost of insuring an average high street retail outlet against terror attack in Southend is around 70 quid a year, that's 3% up on last year. This makes sense, Southend is a den of iniquity. If I was going to take my life with a rucksack I'd be more than happy to wipe out the insult that is Clare's Accessories from this modern day Sodom.

What about the equivalent in the Isle of Wight. How active are Al Quidea on the Isle of Wight? Not as much as Southend it would seem, it's a snip at 55 quid. Worryingly though the premium is up 4% on last year. Perhaps they know something we don't.

Has radical Islam taken a hold, or perhaps more likely, are they predicting the rise of an Isle of Wight separatist movement?

Have the pensioners organised themselves into sleeper cells that are becoming active then getting tired and becoming napping cells and then snoozing cells and then countdown watching cells with a cup of tea and a biccy. 55 quid is sounding like a bargain.

Wow I've stumbled across something truly exciting. Where would you locate the headquarters of the shadowy organisation that created and unleashed on the criminal world Knightrider. Obviously Knightrider Street in Kent. Here is a map of the location, but keep it under your hat.

What do you do if you stumble upon Knightrider HQ.? Apply for a job of course.

P.S. the address and letter is genuine

Knightrider Chambers
12 Knightrider Street
Maidstone
Kent
ME15 6LP

Dear Mr Knight

I hope you will accept my apologies for the intrusion to your day. I'm sure, though we see less of you on the television these days; you remain a very busy man. The reason why I am writing is that it occurred to me you might be in the market for a new sidekick; no offence but you must be able to get classic car insurance on KITT these days. Any savings on road tax and insurance have to be offset against the high running costs of older models and that's without mentioning the environmental impact.

I am not a car, unlike KITT, though I do share a number of his features and consider myself a viable organic-side-kick alternative for the 21st century. I have listed some of the features I share with KITT and some of the advantages I have over KITT.

Shared Features

· Ability to talk and deliver sarcastic one-liners.
· Ability to Drive (though currently I only have a provisional license I intend to start learning again as soon as you give the nod)

Benefits of Me

· I am a big fan of your more maverick tactics and would not be as disparaging as KITT.
· Fuel economy (I don't rely on fossil fuels and can be fed for around 10 pounds a week).
· I don't have a molecular bonded bullet proof skin. This means you can shoot me and it might come in handy if I was going to give away secrets.

Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to highlight my side-kick potential, I hope you are impressed. Allow me to take this opportunity to say that I think the work you do against global crime is highly commendable. One of the issues that I am keen to hear your opinion on is the apparent disarray of the probation service. What is the point of people like us going out of our way to put evil behind bars if they're just going to let them out. It looks like we have plenty to discuss, but I will let you get back to crime fighting.

Yours faithfully

M Johnson

I saw Chico in a curry house last night, it was definitely him, apparently he eats there often. As he left I noticed something in his back pocket with the X factor logo on it; after some speculation with a colleague I'm convinced it was his stash of signed photos.

He was with a couple of guys and a woman. The woman was clearly of Caucasian origins, but was incredibly brown. she looked like she may have just accompanied Laurence of Arabia across the Sinai desert, or has the same sun bed routine as Jodie Marsh. Imagine Beyonce is on the telly and you turn your contrast down by 50 percent and you will have a pretty accurate idea. (How un-black are America's famous blacks? Colin Powell, he just looks jaundice.)

This time I kept my cool. The restaurant was quiet and by far the best one for miles so I didn't harass the celeb. I did eavesdrop a little however. It seems one of the guys with Chico is a script writer (could we see Cheeko in the movies?) and they were talking about inspiration. Apparently when Cheeko writes it just comes; genius can't be forced of course. I could almost imagine the moment when he envisaged those immortal words: "If you take life too serious you can get delirious. It's Cheeko time". Wow.

I didn't get much more celeb gold, but the brown woman, lets just call her Jodie Marsh (she wasn't), said something like "the film Million Dollar Baby broke all the Hollywood rules". How exactly does a film with Hollywood A-listers Morgan Freeman and Clint Eastwood in their trade mark roles of, wise old oppressed black guy / narrator, and hard nosed maverick respectively break any rules. That film was formula all the way down to its heart wrenching moral dilemma ending.

Thats all the scraps I managed to get from celeb land. Except, of course, the half a Kema Nan and an after eight mint that I was able to scavange before the staff came and removed all the celeb flakes. Bastards!

Spring time used to bring seasonal vegetables to the shops. Now we have planes that can fly apples to us from New Zealand and we get strawberries all year round, but there is still something seasonal that comes every year: Hurricane Season!!

Today is the first day of the North Atlantic Hurricane season. Last year we had a bumper crop; 27 tropical storms and hurricanes that caused over 120 billion dollars worth of damage and killed over 2000 people.

Their names: Arlene, Bret, Cindy, Dennis, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey, Irene, Jose, Katrina, Lee, Maria, Nate, Ophelia, Philipee, Rita, Stan, Tammy, Vince, Wilma, Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, Zeta.

I’ve no idea what happened at the end their. Check out all these Hurricane facts for yourself at the great Wikipedia.

The reason I’m writing about this is yesterday I saw ‘The History of Oil’ by Robert Newman. Robert Newman is a comedian that manages to make the dark tail of Anglo US involvement in the oil industry great fun at the same time as giving you the sad realisation that you are one of the baddies. (Come on its no big surprise the baddies always live in the big houses)

Anyway when I saw the article about Hurricanes on Wikipedia I couldn’t help thinking along the lines of global Karma and smiled as I bit into my, sweet sweet, New Zealand Braburn.

You really should watch THE HISTORY OF OIL