There was once a man who lived in a little town in the desert. One day he was in a cave he hadn't eaten for a while and he was very stressed. He started seeing things and before him, in a vision, appeared an angel. "Aggggghhhh" he said. "I've gone totally mental".

"Don't be scared being mental is fun", said the angel "but only on Fridays. Friday is a fun day to be mental this is the word of God. Go away leave it a few weeks then write it down. Use this for the basis of a new religion and spread it throughout the world".

The man followed the angel's instructions and formulated a religion based around being mental on Fridays. He coined the name 'The Fun Day Mentalists Club' and made lots of crazy rules up involving banging your head of the floor, chanting funny chants, not eating this and that and mutilating the genitals of male children.

The religion went down a storm which is really great and it turns out that Friday really is a great day to go mental as most students and office workers will testify because you have the whole weekend to recover.

At last; I have met a famous person. Today in the pub I met the guy from the Catherine Tate show. You know young guy. He told me his name is Mat and I’ve ascertained he is Mat Horne. Well I don’t give a shit if you’ve no idea. I’ve lived in London for over a year and I’ve never seen a celebrity. I think the main reason for this is I’m a bit special (I mean retarded) I don’t recognise people’s faces. I could be watching a film with Brad Pitt in and unless someone points out that its Brad Pitt I won’t realise. This doesn’t give me much hope with the celeb spotting, so when I had it pointed out that I was in the pub with the guy from Catherine Tate I made the most of it. This is a pic so you actually know who I’m talking about.

I drew a picture of the guy without looking at the paper and I managed to get drunk enough to ask the guy to sign it and I recorded his reaction on my mp3. Here is my signed drawing and the mp3 file.

(I have no idea why it's sped up (?))

I have to say he was a really good sport and didn’t mind me treating him like he was some kind of exhibit in a fucked up museum. I think managing to get an autograph and accompanying voice recording makes me a top class weirdo and I’m proud.