I'm in Perth, Ha Ha. It's fantastic. 37 degrees C, clear blue skies, you can fry an egg on the 'sidewalk'.

I've just seen a tanning salon! If I go outside for more than 15 minutes I get radiation poisoning. Why on God's sweet earth would you want to pay to get tanned. I'm thinking of putting a deck chair on the other side of the road with a sign 'Tanning Chair'. I should be able to undercut them massively with no overheads. I might not even man the chair just use a donation system.

I know what your thinking, it must be a seasonal shop. I saw a very brown man go in! . . (?)

Must get back to holidaying.

Since writing this blog it has been suggested that perhaps the shop had no roof. This is both a valid and plausible explanation. Thank you.

Well well well she said. Three wells in one field. Can you believe it!

This is my favourite story of the day. It's the outcome of a story that was in the papers a couple of months ago. A student was arrested and spent a night in the cells for repeatedly telling a mounted police officer 'Your horse is gay'. The police tried to stick one of these 80 pound anti social behaviour orders on the obviously twatish student, but the guy fought it in the courts and won. Good on him.

I wonder if anyone tried testing whether the student's claims were indeed correct; perhaps in his drunken state he simply became particularly perceptive, turned his gaydar up to full power and saw that tell tale twinkle in the horses eye.

The student is reported as claiming that it was impossible to make homophobic comments about an animal. I would tend to agree with him. Since the horse doesn't know what the word gay means he can't get that upset about being called it. It can't upset any future studding plans as horses don't gossip.

Of course that is leaving aside the other ethical question: is being called gay an insult. Can you get away with calling a horse black, or a Jew? After all they have very long noses and some of them are black. Could you call a police horse a pig and get away with it by saying you failed your pre-school farm-yard animals module?