I am trying to write more regularly so I had best tell you all about my weekend.

My weekend was pretty average other than swimming in the river Avon on a surfboard at 2.30am and dancing with my trousers round my ankles to a Rasta busker in the middle of the night. Both incidents involved a talking to by the police, during the river surfing talking to, the police actually warned us about leaches, invoking the film stand by me as proof of the obvious danger. (When was the last time River Phoenix was in Somerset)

After my lucky escape from blood sucking parasites the rest of the weekend went without a hitch.

I also had a trip to Wells Cathedral a genuinely magnificent construction containing the second oldest working clock in the world.

Has anyone ever been to a cathedral and seen the amazing graffiti that olden day scally wags scratched into the tombs of dead Bishops.

(for those who haven't these stone sarcophaguses contain the remains of the Bishops and have a stone effigy of the bishop stretched out on top.)

Its in the most ornate fonts. I recommend that some innovative graffers (street word for graffiti artist; get with it granddad) pick up on this and start a retro trend. The only fonts they seem to use these days is Wing Dings and Bad Ass Nigger. I complain that modern graffers have very little imagination but most of the olden ones had done little more than add their initials, hundreds of years and not one single person had thought of adding a cock and pair of balls to any of their foreheads.